Finding My New Identity

I am sitting here in one of those sad Starbucks inside of a Barnes and Noble having just left my job for the final time. My laptop has been handed in. My office is cleaned out. Good-byes (and see ya laters) have been said. Some tears have been shed and as many loose-ends as possible have been tied up (but they know where to find me…).

I have been a teacher for 13 years at the same school. I came up through the mail room (if you will). I was hired as a third grade Teaching Assistant in 2006 out of Holy Cross and finished at a 6th grade English teacher and Dean of Students (with an 8 year stint as a fourth grade teacher in the middle). For my entire post-college life I have been able to answer the question, “What do you do?” with a simple answer: “I’m a teacher.”

This answer typically receives a somewhat sympathetic response. It’s like I’m telling them I’ve decided to work my life as a volunteer. Most people understand that teachers don’t get paid much and are worked to the bone and have to compete with cell phones and tech and dwindling attention spans. It’s a hard job, and it’s under-appreciated (But they always remind us that we have summers off…).

On Saturday, I was at a birthday party and was asked what I do for a living. It was the first time I couldn’t give my tried and true answer, because I am no longer a teacher. Instead, I had to muddle through an explanation of a part-time job I recently secured while also explaining that I am going to try to hack it as a writer (“hack it” has turned into the crutch phrase I have used for better or worse). I was somewhat embarrassed as the words came out of my mouth. Here I am, an educated 35 year-old who just decided to leave his solid, steady, fulfilling (yet exhausting) job to try to “hack it” as a writer while also working for a non-profit.

This muddled, confused answer is one I should have been giving 13 years ago, not now. I’m too old, too established in a career to just be a Stay at Home Husband while leaning on my wonderful, supportive wife so I can try something new (Thanks, Tiff!).

However, I also realized that my identity was so wrapped up in being a teacher since graduating college. It’s something I took pride in. I was proud of the school I worked at and it became part of my fabric. I had thought about leaving in the past and could never really see it all the way through. I loved the pace and the challenge. Some of my colleagues became close friends. They convinced me to try to date my wife when she came to see my apartment as a possible roommate (note: others said I should just let her move in…). They comforted me and attended the funeral of my father five years ago. They attended my wedding. They’ve seen me grow up quite a bit.

13 years is a long time to be one thing. I was a teacher with a bunch of hobbies. Now, I have to figure out a new identity. It might take some time. It might take the rest of my life, or it might only take the summer as I decompress and figure out the next steps in my life.

Right now, I am wandering, exploring, and just plain excited to rebrand myself.

Maybe I will speak some of my identity into existence. Part of me thinks it will take a bit more effort (and a touch of luck… always a touch of luck). So I look forward to using this blog as a way to explore and share some of the things I like, while hopefully entertaining you all along the way and figuring out how to ask that pesky question: “What do you do?”