What Can Parents Learn About Their Children As Learners? Four Questions To Ask During Quarantine.


There will be a time, at some point in the future, when parents will drop their kids off at the bus stop or on the curbside at school and breath a sigh of relief because distance learning is in the rear-view mirror.

There will also be a time when parents pick-up an unhappy child from school because things are just too hard — socially, academically, or both.

In other words, things will return to normal. 

Unfortunately, for many parents right now, the tunnel is long and the light is dim. Across the Internet, the backlash to distance learning has crested. Parents are taking back their homes, openly saying that the work is too much, not just for their kids, but for the adults. Parents are trying to manage their child’s learning while also working for their livelihood as companies fire and furlough at alarming rates. The motivation to perform is high. The distractions and anxiety are higher. 

While parents have their children at home, the learning doesn’t have to be one-sided. This is a rare opportunity for parents to observe their child and understand what kind of learner and school citizen he/she might be. Because at some point when things return to normal (and they will…) there will come a moment when you feel the urge to email a teacher about something: a grade, a test score, a social or behavioral issue. Stepping back now and observing your child might help inform how you go about engaging with your child about those issues before involving the teacher with an 11:45PM email.

If your child is old enough to have received report cards and written reports, take them out and read them over for 20-30 minutes. Take a look at what your child’s teachers have said about him/her over the years. You can read them without judgement right now, because they’re in the past, there are no grades to aim for or social engineering to concern yourself with. This is an anthropological dig into your child’s past student experiences.

Here are some valuable questions to ask yourself in the next few months while you’re at home with your children. These might help you as a parent when school is back in session.

What is my child curious about?

Curiosity is the driving force behind any kind of learning, whether it’s Fortnite, World War II, Pokemon, biology, legos, etc… your child is going to show curiosity in some thing, or some things, during the quarantine. What is it that they like? What do they gravitate towards? Are they interested in puzzles? Solving problems? Music? Sports? Playing games? Cooking? Being active? Are they reading? What are they reading about? Watching Youtube? What are they watching? 

Also, it is worth paying attention to what your child is asking for as far as activities and what they are missing. This might be a perfect time to take stock in what you’ve spent your time and money on and cut back when options become available again. If you’ve been spending hours in the car over the years driving to club sports practices and games and your child hasn’t picked up that ball or stick or asked to go to the park to play, maybe it’s time to reassess. 

How is my child socially connecting with peers?

Distance learning might be the best case scenario for some students right now. The ease of waking up, checking an email, following a plan, hopping on a zoom call, and not having to see any classmates might be a utopian learning environment for some.

For others, the social aspect of school is what drives their academic interest. One friend told me her child loves school because she gets to see her friends everyday. She completes her work in order to impress them. So being at home with work to complete, away from friends, is stressful. The work is less enticing to complete at home. But if a parent understands this, it makes the distance learning easier and doesn't erode the parent-child relationship. You know where the stress is coming from. It also shines a light on what part of school matters. Have you asked your child what they miss most about school? It could be rather illuminating to have that discussion.

Pay attention to where your child stands on the social spectrum because they might be begging to FaceTime with a friend or text with a group. They might be hopping onto the Xbox to play a game with a bunch of friends. Or they might be completely content not seeing a their friends every day, if at all. This is doesn’t mean you need to judge your kids, or their friends and classmates, it’s just a worthwhile piece of information to store away.

It matters what types of social interactions your child is seeking because it most likely mimics their social experience at school.

How independent is my child as a learner?

Are you hounding your child to get started on his/her work? Is your child hounding you to help them? If something is hard, do they come running to you for help immediately? Do they try to do it themselves? 

In a classroom, students all react to assignments differently. Some dig in, willing to try anything, even if it means making mistakes and trying again. Others are at the teacher’s side, always asking questions, trying to pry the answers from them without really thinking for themselves. Others will seek the help of kids around them, striking up a conversation and working through a problem.

The levels of independence obviously change with age, but paying attention to how much help they require is important, and you shouldn’t feel afraid to challenge them to give things a try on their own. 

How is my child managing time?

How is your child managing the day? Is the assigned work completed in a frenzy just before it’s due? Are assignments done on time? Does it often feel like there isn’t enough time in the day to complete assignments? Or is your child tearing through work and done by 10:30am?

Managing time is important, especially with long days stuck at home. Even as an adult, the sensation of having an entire day ahead with no real plan is daunting and suddenly it’s dinnertime and you’re left wondering where the day went. 

Putting together a plan for the day can ease some of the tension. Some kids need to know what the day ahead will look like; however, others can go with the flow and bounce from activity to activity without a bother in the world. But if you watch how your child spends their time, how they plan things out, or ask you for help in preparing and learning, it will give you a good sense of what kind of student they are in the classroom. If you child is done with work that’s supposed to take a few hours in mere minutes, you can bet they’re doing the same thing at school.

Learning at school and distance learning are not created equal. It would be foolish to assume the work that would have been completed in the final three months of school is going to match what kids are learning at home from their parents. The varying dynamics of distance learning are challenging, there is no arguing that fact. While the stresses of this period are unlike anything many of us have ever endured, remember that a lot of our kids go to school with their own sets of worries and fears and stresses every single day. Worries like who they’re going to sit with at lunch or play with at recess can be be road blocks to learning and impact how children act and learn at school. The stresses might be different now, but kids feel tension going to school. It doesn’t make sense to tell yourself that your child is acting differently now because they’re feeling stressed out during the pandemic. Most kids, in one way or another, feel stress and anxiety every day. We all do. We’re human. Be careful no to write-off your child’s habits and behaviors as a “one-off” during this window of time.

The goals for parents while at home with their children should be to keep them feeling safe and secure and loved. Kids should also be learning from their parents how to navigate these challenging times. Kids are always watching and downloading the actions of adults in their lives. As parents, you should be watching, too. Download some new information about your child, see them through the eyes of their teachers. It will help you as a future parent in partnering with your child’s teachers because you have seen them as students, working through problems and lessons. You have more information at your disposal. So take advantage of the opportunity to watch and help your children as students.